It's Just an Address

View from our bedroom window

I started this entry in March when we finalized our decision to move back to the States. I saved since then and just remembered it tonight, when I started feeling nostalgic about our move. I usually don't divulge my emotions much on my blog because I like to keep it fun and light. That, and I'm a semi-private kind of a gal and don't always want the whole world knowing what I'm thinking. That being said, I think there are also times when it's healthy to talk out your emotions.


These roller coaster of emotions take over me when I think about our move to San Francisco: excited/thrilled/nervous/impatient/bittersweet/pensive/worried/..did I say nervous?

Excited/Thrilled: I can't wait to live in such an active city. I love that people in San Francisco actually live in the city. They experience it every day. People are outside, running, flying kites, walking their dogs. They're not cooped up in neighborhoods where they have to get in the car and drive to the closest supermarket or drugstore. You can walk everywhere if you want. Another plus is being on the Pacific;I've always wanted to live near the ocean. AND, the fact that Lake Tahoe is a mere four hour drive and Napa is an hour away is going to be awesome. Another plus is the diversity. Chinatown, Little Italy....my kind of place. San Francisco also has everything as far as scenery: mountains, hills, ocean, wine country. Okay enough of that- you get it. I'm pumped to live in such an awesome, lively city.

Impatient: I want us to have jobs NOW. I want an apartment NOW. But I need to really bring it down a notch and just go with it. I can only do so much.

Bittersweet: "A deluted mixture of sadness and happiness." It will be sad to say good bye to our friends we've made over the last four years. It will be really sad to say good bye to amazing Italian cuisine, too. :) BUT we've got about eight amazing friends in the Bay area, plus C's parents are near, and they are all anxiously awaiting our return.

Pensive: "The move" is all we can really think about. Where are we going to live? What kind of car/cell phone/insurance/apartment will be get? How long will it take to get everything (ALL those wedding presents that are still in boxes from 2007?) from Texas to California?


Worried: Are we crazy to move somewhere without jobs? Maybe. But people said the same exact thing when I moved to Barcelona out of college and didn't know a single soul. I ended up 1. finding a husband 2. finding an apartment and 3. finding a job. So I think I can handle this one. :) Plus, we've got C's family only two hours away, where we can stay as a base.

Nervous: See the following entry.

The feeling of not knowing where I belong has been weighing on my mind for awhile. As much as I know that moving back to the States is best for us at this point in our lives, I'm overwhelmed with the idea of knowing that I'll be experiencing "that" feeling again. "That" feeling is termed reverse culture-shock, which for those of you who are raising your eyebrows, really does exist. Reverse culture-shock is a true phenomenon for those who move back home after being in another country for a significant amount of time; it's when you're caught between two worlds and you don't know which one is yours. For people who have never lived abroad, it's impossible to grasp or even remotely understand. For the past four years, I've only gone to the States for maybe two to three weeks out of the year. The rest of the year we are here. As much as people can say or believe that it's "just an address," it's really not. It's a way of life that changes. Your day-to-day experiences completely change. Good-bye bike rides, hello cars! Forget the weekend trips to Switzerland, Rome, or Paris. Say hello to having travel across the world now to get anywhere.

And it's just not the little things. It's everything.

I know that when we move back, the reverse culture shock will hopefully pass in (hopefully) a few months. That's what I hear is the average, at least. The word on the street is that after a few months, "home" sucks you back in and sweeps you off your feet as if you were never gone. I wish I could fast-forward those few months and get it all over with already. Because it is NOT a fun feeling. It's awkward and uncomfortable. You feel like you dont' belong and it's just.so.weird. For a few months at least.

I'm SURE we'll be fine but you know, it's nice to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening, my Three Readers.

Toodles,
xoxoxo